fuck

valentine's day is tomorrow.... for some reason i am worked up over that

i wasnt expecting on spending this one alone....

edit:

and i had thought i was done with the crying part of this... but as soon as i realized the fact that i cant even give her a flower... a single fucking flower...

but thats all i can think about... how much i want to give her one....

just something so she knows i am here... so she knows how i feel...

it feels so wrong... i love her... and i wish i could express how i feel but i cant because it will hurt her... she doesnt want me to love her


mom is worried... so far she has suggested a shrink, anti depressants, and recently today... she suggested i may need to be institutionalized....

i cant let anyone know what i really feel


shes the only one who i can open up to

i need to scream